Holy Crap!

Its been a very long time since I posted anything.
Hmmm... I could rehash everything that has happened since then in some horrible, pages long diatribe Or.... I could do this:

• I ate a lot of cake
• Ran way too much
• Worked out ( Go Me!)
• Got closer
• Danced
• Cheered til my voice died
• Broke the golden rule of food ( nothing larger than your head)
• Was sick as a dog
• Rocked out
• Ate bird
• Killed zombies
• Nommed humans
• Nerfed
• Wrapped and wrapped and wrapped...
• And a whole lot of other random bullshit.

And in conclusion...





... wait, what? you're still here? Scram! Be gone with ye'!


....Still here? My god you're determined! what do you want?!?
*grumble grumble*

Fine! stay for all I care! The blog is over, you"ve got no reason to be here!











Gone yet?

Why?

Night time, Fishing line
Pockets full of string
Soda pop, pick a lock
Now You start to sing.

Orange peels, Electric eels
You stare into the sky
Shoes with taps, lots of cats
What has made you cry?

Rusty nails, Garbage pails
Your mind starts to rot
Alcatraz, red topaz
Empty all your thoughts

Summer ends, the fabric Rends
Your life is forfeit
Say good night, turn out the light
Why did you have to quit?

You, not Me

So, I wrote out about a 500 word blog a few minutes ago, essentially a dissertation on my narcissistic despair (god I've got a one-track mind), which I scrapped for artistic reasons. Now, I shall proceed to write a blog in which I do not refer to myself at all (except for now, obviously):

You are at the top of the list (interpret as you wish)
She just turned 17
He is going to be sad for a long, long time
They are perfect for each-other, but they don't know it yet
You didn't make onto the list til now ( HA!)
You dropped off the face of the Earth
She is hiding in plain sight
Nobody wants to hug her
Everyone loves to be near him
Someone loves You, but won't tell you
You love Someone and they don't know
Your love is frowned upon (Go You!)
Your love is too ( Because it's fake)
He is using Her
She doesn't care
You're on the list AGAIN
You never went through with it ( What a surprise...)
You did ( Actually surprising)
She disappeared
He found her ( and they ran away together)
She mocked her ( and she got what she had coming)
She took it ( good thing her friends got her back)
He got lost
They found the way home
Your life is like a movie ( A horror movie)
His family is rich as sin
Her gerbil died
They like Ouija
He'll be there for her (like you couldn't be)
Last, but decidedly not least; You make it onto the list a third and final time.

My ears are dead.

Between my stereo, Tim's car, the Free Press Music Fest and Business as Usual's house party, my ears are completely dead.
I can't remember any time when I've had as good a weekend as this.
Seeing Bolt was amazing, I'd never heard of them but they are truly amazing.
BAU is better than ever, especially the brain-splitting sax solo.
Spending time with the people I love is always a good thing.
Also, Breaking News: The semi-iconic purple jacket is retired (at least until I can get it fixed/ cleaned.) and flannel is in (dear god, what have I done?).

I wonder what I can go do next week? I've spent nearly all my cash on the past few days' events.
Oh well, I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

Until next time, Distrust white people!
-Will (Otaku)

Getting Away With It

Hey there children, it's Uncle Will here with another helpful story, so gather round and stop poking eachother in the eyes with sharpened sticks!

Uncle Will is gonna teach ya all how to Get Away With Murder!
That's right! I'm gonna teach all you wee-little beasties how to kill a man and get away clean.

1. The most important thing is to pick the right victim; someone totally unconnected with you, someone you've never met.
2. Do your homework, always be prepared: know their routine, study their lives. Find out what makes them tick.
3. Find a good location: secluded, private.
4. Either lure or abduct your victim to your pre-prepared location (wrap EVERYTHING in plastic) and secure them in any way necessary.
5. Dear God, have you really read this far? What a sick fuck you are! You are a menace to society! I should report you to the police and have you locked up...

Anyhoo, apart from all of you being potential sociopathic killers, life is pretty good. Got all my ducks in a row (lies). Listening to "I gotta Feeling" by the Black-Eyed Peas, catchy, slightly stupid, but I actually like it. Its nice to know that some of the Mainstream bullshit is halfway decent.

So... Yeah.

Fallacies and Frostbite

Course work sucks...

I need to learn how to do riddles. I'm tired of being stumped by ridiculously obvious little word games. They're all formulaic, if I can learn the formula, I can beat any riddle.

Hmm...

What am I?: My maker doesn't want me, My buyer never uses me and My owner never sees me.

Give up?

How 'bout now?

I'm a coffin!

Yay.

See? It's ridiculous, how could I not get that? Oh well.

Top Five songs that keep me going after a long week of boring repetitive busy work:

1. This is the First Day of My Life -Bright Eyes
2. Rebellion(lies) -Arcade Fire
3. Any Fun -Coconut Radio
4. Diamond and a Tether -Death Cab For Cutie
5. Man on the Moon -R.E.M.

I'm not scared.

I'm scarred.

Why did I make it? I've done some of the stupidest things imaginable. I've thrown my life away a thousand times, sometimes for someone else, most often for no purpose at all. I'm still in love with my life as it was, no matter how painful, at least I felt human.

I've got a road-map of bad decisions on my arm, but I still don't know where I'm going.

Oh well.

At least I'm here now, and You're here with me.

"This is the first day of my life, I'm glad I didn't die before I met you, But now I don't care, I could go anywhere and I'd probably be happy"

Halloween

Just woke up... ughhhhh...
I can't find my phone. Curses.
Last night was hilarious, I was impressed. Once again my loathing for people is knocked back by my undying love of my friends.
By the way, sorry if we made any of you uncomfortable but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do Hahaha.
So much candy. we have roughly my body weight in candy leftover.
I'm not complaining.
Unicorn.....
still funny.
(Alex, if you read this, I've already found the 9 iron, so I'd wear a cup at all times if I were you.)

hmm... Too tired to think...

Top Five Works by Edgar Allen Poe:

1. The Pit and the Pendulum
2. The Raven
3. Annabell Lee
4. The Telltale Heart
5. The Premature Burial
   

"you told me about nowhere...

... well it sounds like someplace I'd like to go."

I love it when modest mouse comes up on shuffle.

Anyhoo, I'm still explorin' the new setup, writing on a laptop from my room is actually much more conducive to the whole "creative flow".

Airborne toxic event playing now.

Its funny, I can map out entire conversations I've had or should have that perfectly follow my music. I think that if you really looked at it, everyone's music follows their life, more or less.

Its a kind of posthumous road map to the places we've been, or where we wish we'd been.

Alot of mine describes the person I'd like to become, or who I used to be.

I wonder what Obama has on his iPod?

Or if there's someone out there listening to the exact same thing I am (Rebellion/ lies by Arcade Fire).

I think there should be an organization that had people send in their music players and switch them with people for a week. It would open people's eyes to a whole new world. Some would be anonymous, others would be like a musical pen pal.

I'm going to start making tapes for people. (note to self: people don't make tapes anymore)

hmm... Top Five songs to play during a train wreck:

1. Hallelujah -Lenard Cohen
2. Eruption -Van Halen
3. What a wonderful world -As performed by Louis Armstrong
4. Blinded in chains -Avenged Sevenfold
5. Helter Skelter -The Beatles

That'll do. G'night everyone.

The Cave

Once, there was a man. Let's call him "Geoff".
Geoff was a modest man, with an average life. He had an average house, an average car, an average family.

Once, while on an average family vacation in an average mountain range, Geoff came upon a cave.

Now, Geoff, being of average curiosity, decided to enter the cave
The cave was very average. Average size. Average smell. Average.
The overwhelming average-ness of Geoff's life suddenly came upon him and he suffered an ironically average nervous breakdown.
Geoff slipped into an average coma and awoke an average amount of time later.
Upon awaking, all Geoff could remember was the horrifying average-ness of that cave.
Determined to overcome his feelings of average distress, Geoff traveled back to that average mountain range and entered the average cave
At this point, Geoff realized that the cave was simply average.
He felt averagely relieved, and went back, at an average pace, to his average life.
After an average period of time Geoff forgot entirely about the episode of the average cave.

The Average End.

P.S. if you're looking for meaning in this story, feel free to search, but I certainly can't find any. It's just a normal, average story.

Me, Myself and that weird guy I know...

As I re-strung my beautiful Epiphone Casino (George) I contemplated the message that I receive from my chosen forms of media.

I watch indie films, and films about indie music, and films about indie people. I listen to indie rock, alternative, and anti-mainstream jams.

I like art made by crazy people much more than any Matisse or Monet.

I read classic books about dystopian futures, or philosophical breakthroughs, or just surreal fantasy.

I watch T.v. shows on strictly non commercial stations, and watch things eschewed by polite society.

I read quotes by famous rabble-rousers, upsetting the status quo and getting in the face of the establishment.

I wear clothes that are artfully torn and disheveled, not by a designer, but by the wear and tear of real life and the dangers therein inherent.

Most of all though, I surround myself in walls made of me. I am egocentric to the point of a disorder. All I can write about, talk about, hear about, care about is ME.

I'm doing it now.

I see only variations of myself in everyone. My world is made up of the various permutations of my self that I either acknowledge or which escape my unconscious mind to plague my waking hours.

Worst of all though, any thought I put to remedying this situation is a thought about myself. I mentally take one step forward and two steps back.

Edit: Here is a Top Five sent in by an Astute Reader*

5 Parliament-Funkadelic Songs To Contemplate:

1.The Electric Spanking of War Babies
2.Supergroovalisticprosifunkstication
3.Atomic Dog
4.Loose Booty
5.Dr. Funkenstein

*Some Dumbass.

Slowly...

Have you ever had a problem that you just got sick of? Don't respond you cretin, it was a rhetorical question.

I'm officially entering a state of denial as pertains to my sordid love life. I refuse to acknowledge any advances or accept that anyone is interested. I liked being a widely disliked nobody.

From this point on, I refuse to decipher innuendo, cryptic messages or veiled sexual advances.

I will only respond to these three questions as per the topic:

1. Will you, Will Newsom, Go out with me, (insert your name here)?

2. Will you, Will Newsom, please leave me, (your name here), the fuck alone?

3. We should have sex right now.

I realize that the last one was a statement but if anyone ever said it to me I would probably respond with a question of my own ( What?).

Now that I have expelled that diatribe from my skull, Allow me to list my Top Five Say Anything Songs To Zone Out To:

1. Yellow Cat/ Red Cat

2. Slowly Through a Vector

3. An Orgy of Critics

4. Chia-Like I Shall Grow

5. Surgically Removing the Tracking Device

Paying for my crimes...

One good deed at a time.

Does it count if I intend to do good things, and do them, knowing that they will help other people, and ease their suffering, even if ultimately I'm doing it so that I don't have to believe that I am a terrible person?

Anyway, here's my Top Five Desert Island Picks for music to do good to (if that makes sense):

Daylight -Matt and Kim

Tubthumping -Chumbawumba

We are going to be friends -The White Stripes

Be Ok -Ingrid Michaelson

Lookin' out my back door -Creedance Clearwater Revival

You should know

That no matter how fucked up things get, no matter how much it hurts, how much it seems like they will never get better, how much the scars pain you, how much your memories fade, how much you feel that things have hit rock bottom, We will be here for you.

You are loved by more than a few people, and we are here to give you a shoulder to cry on.

Things may be as bad as they've ever been but that doesn't mean its time to give up.

We love you, and we want to see you do well, to see you be happy, succeed, find love.

Always remember, if you ever need someone to talk to, to cry with, to confide in, to rant at, to be angry with, to use, to abuse, to listen to, to learn from, to sit in silence with, or absolutely anything else at all, We, I, am here.

Teh Interwebz

People are stupid. Not only is the average denizen of Teh Interwebz a raving lunatic, they are incapable of recognizing regular human decency. Not that this rant means anything in particular. I could never be referring to a certain "Kenny" working at a burger king in the 203 area of Connecticut.

I have conveniently "forgotten" this douche bag's phone number, however, if he fucks with me any more, that, as well as his e-mail, home address and the name of his immediate family members, will be public knowledge.

If you ever receive a phone call from a person willing to give their name, in order to warn you of impending doom at the hands of some jackass behind the screen of a mac somewhere in Detroit, I beg of you, heed the warning. If not you may just piss off the guy making the call and end up with your credit card numbers smeared across the internet.

Homecoming

Why do I get the strangest feeling after doing things I hate that I would have regretted doing otherwise? Homecoming was a train wreck; a flurry of frustration, misery and awful music. If it hadn't been for John Steiger, I would definitely have bailed.

Few things are as frustrating as overcoming overwhelming self loathing only to deal with it in the people around you.

Slightly off topic, I have discerned that dancing is good for the mind. Doing something energetic and fun with a large group of people, especially if they"re people you know, is something like a mental vacation. I wish that some people would realize that they could use a little musical therapy.

Anyhoo, Here's my Top Five Desert Island Picks for Best Homecoming Music:

1. Black or White- Michael Jackson
2. Livin' la vida Loca- Ricky Martin
3. It's like that- Run-D.M.C.
4. Thriller- Michael Jackson
5. Can't touch this- MC Hammer

Absence, Absinthe

It's been way too long since I've written anything here, I've been off in the world. I decided yesterday in fact, to write this down, mostly because I needed to see it for myself.

I've done something incredibly selfish, and in the process lost a friend who meant more to me than she will ever know. I used to talk to you, and we would swap stories of how fucked up our lives were. I could open up to you and not be afraid, because you'd been there. We were both sick, and we comforted each other in this way. And then one day you got better. I was so angry, I didn't know what to do or to say. Suddenly, I couldn't open up to anyone. I was so jealous and petty, I didn't care that you were better, I wanted you to be sick with me again. I think you saw all of this because we haven't spoken in over a year.

I was too selfish to get better with you, but I hope that I can follow your example. Maybe, someday we can talk and tell stories about how our lives have never been better. Until then, I want to thank you, and apologize for what I've done.

Gumdrops

Gumdrops, lollipops, licorice and gum
Pickup-sticks, candy canes, looking like a bum

Hours spent in the grass, basking in the sun
Summer nights, big freight trains, now I'm on the run

Lookin' for a good time, had myself some fun
Now the sherriff's after me, and he's got a gun

Desert air and noonday sun
My legs each feel like they weigh a ton

That's what you get from Gumdrops, lollipops, licorice, and gum.

Childhood...

...Another piece of mine has died today. Going to join the ranks of Yugi-oh cards, Pokemon games, Hip-Hop, Saturday Cartoons, Toys-R-Us, Trick or Treating, Steve Irwin, and other deceased tidbits of my childhood, Michael Jackson, King of Pop, and butt of a thousand and one jokes has died. My sense of loss is not easy to describe... I did not grow up in the eighties when MJ was in full swing, but still his presence has been felt in our culture for years. I saw the videos of him dangling his child out of the window. I watched as he became white and sickly. I remember bubbles the chimp. I was afraid of neverland ranch. I danced to thriller and wore a sequinned glove. I scoffed at the many covers in recent years. I was enraged that he bought the Beatles' masters.
Michael Jackson may have been creepy, he may have been insane, but one thing is for sure, his influence on my life, and the lives of my generation will be a lasting one.
In the words of my guilty pleasure, /b/: Good Night Sweet Prince.

Really?

We're all living in one big nasty orgy of failure, and we somehow ended up sucking the syphilitic cock of adolescence. I can only speak for myself, but I'm tired of being guilt-tripped into complacency by hypocritical authority figures. Short, short short, My life has been short. 15 years upon this green earth, and what do I have to show for it? 15 years is a long time really. 5745 days, approximately, I have been living. All that time I have had various bigoted ideologies foisted upon me like baggage on a mule. Soldier on! is the call sounding through our metaphorical valley of darkness. Individuality has been corrupted and bent to fit into the consumer, conformist culture of Neo-American society. Today, "Be Different" is synonymous for"Be One". When challenged, this ideal of individual conformity defends itself with a single impenetrable clause. Selfishness. I was called selfish today after expressing a desire to destroy my records, flee to the wilderness and live alone, unfettered by the obligations and conventions of society. Selfish, they said, for not caring about my family. Selfish, for wanting to escape. There is no escape.
Once again I have rambled, but I am not done.
One essential "Truth" that has been fed to me since infancy is this: no one will take you seriously until you're a grown man. This has always bothered me. American culture spoonfeeds rebellion and creativity to its children through the mass media, encouraging thoughts of children rising to the occasion and outperforming adults, but in adolescence, the idea of an inexorable, authoritative machine controlling our lives becomes the accepted dogma. Youth becomes a sin, a taint of perceived ignorance and lack of wisdom. Perhaps in many, perhaps in most adolescants this image is somewhat accurate, but what of those of us who understand? What about that small fraction of the population that is truly self aware?
I, for one, have lived more in my five thousand, four hundred and seventy five days than any "Mature Adult" I have ever met. Maturity is Death.

Mowing.

Do you realize how stupid and futile mowing is? Einstein said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. When you mow the lawn all you are doing is putting in a large amount of energy to do no work. work implies change, and since grass, you know, GROWS, the net gain is zero, next week you have to start back again with the grass in the same state as before you cut it.
Americans' fixation with the lawn is simply a microcosm for the spot treatments made by our government and our people. Rather than fix something eg. Health care, we make little fixes, wrap the whole thing in duct tape and say "Its a work in progress". I'm tired of mowing the grass, and I'm tired of the government mowing it's problems. I say either let your grass grow, or get rid of it, I promise you'll feel better when you do.

I have a question.

What makes a relationship work? Is it sex? Maybe its love, compatibility, or similarities. Perhaps it could be chance. All the logic in the world cannot make it work, this I know for certain.
Two people, whether an old married couple, or high school sweethearts come together sometimes, for reasons as yet unknown to me and create something beautiful. I have always considered my self a hopeless romantic, but recently I have discovered that with my growing happiness comes an internal coldness the likes of which I have not known. I have become a cold, logical machine, incapable of genuine affection. All those things which bond people together are falling apart.
Love is not logical, but it follows certain logical pathways. I am not sure whether I have ever loved, but I know that I cannot now.
I weep.

Debauchery

Today I got back from New Orleans. What a town, the music, the food, the people, I love it all. How a city like that can survive in today's world of stifling oppression is beyond me.
Among the Jazz bars and strip clubs were nestled little gems of 'Nawlins culture, like Mr. Gold and the other street performers. The living statues and street musicians gave Bourbon Street a unique flavor, a kind of moving color that altered my perception of the city.
I don't want to cheapen the experience with words, but I feel it must be said that New Orleans is filthy. Its a dirty, disgusting city, caked with the grime of history and modern debauchery. However, its a good filth, a stench that alludes to the gaudy joy that is Mardi Gras and 'Nawlins hospitality.

Pop Show pt. 3

If you didn't see it, I thought that Destiny's comment was particularly apt:
"If you don't clap for Jake "The Trapp" Trapp, you are a Nazi, Commie, and the result of a Hitler-Zedong affair. Jake Trapp is beast. So is Lawrence, though his song did not please me. Andrew's duet with Hailey was real good too. And the cheerleaders made me, and some Diamonds, laugh."

Pop Show pt. 2

In all fairness, I'm sure most of the acts were O.K. but the "Row your boat Men" really stole the show. The group, headed by famed Ninja, Jake Trapp, performed the song from which they take their name, and almost literally brought the house down.
The next outstanding performance was by "Business as Usual" composed of Damien Breaux, Robert Byers, Tim Brown and I man I know only as Bert. Their rendition of "Stacy's Mom", despite technical difficulties, proved to be a crowd-pleaser.
"Mercy" as performed by Mackenzie Menter had every male in the crowd covering their lap. To say that it was sexy would be an understatement, however the artistic merit; not so much.
Lastly, although I am unsure of the group members, among which were Trapp and Koo, the performance of "yesterday" brought tears to my eyes. Beatles covers almost never match the original majesty, but these boys gave the song new life.
After all is said and done, the show was a great success and I look forward with even greater anticipation for next year's performance.

Pop Show

I'm going, and as I have this blog at my disposal, I thought I'd write a full review. Look for it later tonight, or possibly tomorrow morning. For record-keeping reasons only, I would like to point out that the show is Friday, May 29 at 7:30 p.m. at Glenda Dawson High School. No feelings will be spared by the way (says the man who cannot master "La Grange").

Sic Transit Gloria Mundi...

And So Passes The Glory Of The World.

For too long to remember, my life has been a shell. I have been numb. Lately I had not noticed it any longer, my pitiful, centric emotions were all I had and I was, I thought, happy. But this was not the case. I know, now, Happiness. I have felt, tasted Happiness. Happiness is finally mine to possess, and I am grateful. No longer shall I simply exist, seeking out pain and pleasure in order to feel. No, now I begin to live!

Wednesday, May 20th 2009 at approximately 8:45 P.M. I discovered Happiness.

Top Five all time best songs to fall in love to:

1. Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades -Brand New
2. If You Want My Love (You Got It) -Cheap Trick
3. Alive With The Glory Of Love -Say Anything
4. I've Just Seen A Face -The Beatles
5. Let's Get It On -Marvin Gaye

Philosophizing

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. -Voltaire

We live in an age when freedom of speech is simply a courtesy given to certain citizens like favors to well mannered-children. Nowadays, the government seems unstoppable in the sense that, were things to turn for the worst, the proletariat (us) would stand no chance in overthrowing its oppressors.
Government now has the ability to take anyone from their home, and keep them, god knows where, for who knows how long. They can do this for one very simple reason: the trust is gone. In the past we knew the government lied to us, it was accepted and it was almost comforting. Now though, the government doesn't want us to know that it lies. They want to make it all seem shiny and happy and honest, without fault. This change in attitude is frightening because the government still lies, but if they are lying about lying, what on earth must their real secrets be?
I have never been a fan of any authority figure, but even with our new, more progressive president, I still feel that the system is broken. Modern politics is sick, sick stuff, not to be dabbled in by the honest and pure. No, today we have need of the twisted, sick minds spawned by the anonymity of the internet. That's right. I just suggested that the internet should rule the world.
What better gauge is there for the average world denizen than the average web lurker? An absolute democracy, where all things were voted on by the hordes of anonymous freaks lurking the interwebz would be a horrifying, yet amazingly fair system of government.
I think it's time we had a little fun with leadership, don't you?

100 confessions

Category: Life

1. I feel really stupid a lot of the time
2. Getting something right makes me feel superior
3. I hate making people cry
4. I only lie because I'm afraid my life is uninteresting
5. I secretly love hugs but I'm terrified of people touching me
6. I fall in love within twenty seconds of meeting a girl with bi-polar disorder
7. or any girl with too much eye make up on
8. I think way too much
9. Simple things make me smile
10. I remember all of my friends
11. And half of them don't remember me
12. Being upside down is my biggest phobia
13. except for my fear of pubic hair
14. I am less secure about my cock size than I appear
15. I always know what someone feels towards me
16. and it hurts that they never know how I feel
17. Ramen is my primary food source
18. I am afraid to succeed because I don't want my friends to look bad
19. I am a virgin
20. and I'm afraid that I'll stay that way
21. I am horny ALL the time
22. I crave narcotics everyday
23. I know how to build a bomb
24. and I've done it before
25. I wish for the zombie apocalypse
26. Because I could survive, and I would save you
27. Eyes and hands are the only part of the body I can draw
28. I can never remember what type of music I am supposed to like
29. I fake disgust when people listen to Britney spears
30. I think masturbation is freakish
31. but I do it anyway
32. Beer is gross
33. but being sober is unbearable
34. I had a stroke last week.
35. I lied so that I wouldn't have to go to the hospital
36. now I'm scared I have cancer
37. I collect bones
38. I have a low pain thresh-hold
39. But I cut myself anyway
40. blood is delicious
41. I have had a hairy back longer than I have had pubes
42. I think that I am more than human
43. but I can't figure out how
44. Cats hate me
45. the feeling is mutual
46. porn is depressing
47. I can't imagine sex being beter than foreplay
48. I think I have multiple mental illnesses
49. I look down on people who believe in god
50. Ignorance should be punishable by death
51. Driving is scarier than roller coasters
52. My parents can be cool sometimes
53. I don't think I'm a bad person
54. but I tell people I am because its easier
55. I make excuses no to see my friends
56. because I think I disappoint them
57. Purple isn't really my favorite color
58. but I feel obligated to be consistent by wearing it every day
59. I stole a mannequin hand on Wednesday April 29 2009
60. I can't cry when I'm sad
61. but I weep when I'm bored
62. I am more confident than I sound
63. I break rules on a moral basis
64. Knives and swords are amazing
65. I can beat anyone at pinball
66. My best friends are not who you would ever guess
67. I hate all sports except fencing, cycling and soccer
68. I think weed should be legal
69. even though I got clean
70. Chances are, I'm smarter than you
71. and that makes me lonely
72. Chess makes me happy
73. I really am a Hippie
74. I will go down on almost anyone
75. But I won't allow anyone near my dick
76. Music is the only thing that keeps me from killing myself
77. or you for that matter
78. Kiwis are the best fruit ever
79. If I've ever given you a gift or bought you something, I love you
80. and I always will
81. "normal people" don't exist
82. I own two walkie talkie sets
83. and have no one to talk to
84. I really have attempted suicide eight times
85. I'm glad I failed
86. My immune system is abnormally strong
87. so I play sick to get attention
88. I like dogs more than people
89. Anorexia is sexy
90. I have hairy toes
91. I insert cooler people into my real stories
92. I won't lie to anyone I really love
93. which isn't that many people
94. If I've ever loved you, I always will
95. I think I already said that one
96. I love stupid movies
97. But great movies make me philosophical
98. My taste in music is always changing
99. Green is my real favorite color
100. If you read all of these than you still don't get me.

The product of Ninjas and Guitars

Current mood:Vibrant
Category: Music

Of Summer And Death

I was walkin down the streets of houston on a hot summa's day
when I came across a tree frog, an' I said "Hey!"
"you a frog?"
an' he said "are you a man?"

So I got to thinkin in the noonday sun
An' I never did see that son of a gun
But he robbed me blind
Shot me dead, with a colt 45,
I wont say its nice, but I don't mind

(Solo)

I say "What's in yo head?"
I feel the whole world turnin
when I lay in my bed
And nothin feels special,
My skin starts to crawl
And the devil starts speakin
In his southern drawl

This song means nothin
Not a god damned thing
Cuz life ain't worth livin
Winter, fall or spring

I'd keep on goin but I got nothin else
Its your problem now
Just you and yourself

So go for a walk
an' think for a while
Ima keep on livin with my alligator smile

(solo)

Incarceration

So tomorrow I go back to in-school suspension, to complete the last six days of my term. I have had almost no contact with the outside world for a week now, being both incarcerated at school and at home. I have a low grade fever and I'm dizzy from the cleaning fluids I've worked with all day. Thank god for Michael Crighton, I've been re-reading the Jurassic park series, and its the only thing keeping me sane. It has rained constantly all weekend, and the view from my window is a sodden mess. Ugh, I realize that I am rambling but the combination of captivity, sickness and the shock of being disrespected by my pseudo-pupils has left me crotchety and incoherent.
Top Five sickness songs:

1. Blue Eyes -Carey Brothers
2. Guernica -Brand New
3. Fork and Knife -Brand New
4. Bohemian Rhapsody -Queen
5. Alpha Male and Canine Mystery Blood -Tommy Womack
   

Psych

I recently took a battery of psychological evaluations, just out of curiosity over what they would show. After answering as honestly as possible, I received a consistent result from them all; I'm insane in nearly every way possible. Now, this is quite clearly not the case, as some of the results such as depressive and histrionic clearly cancel each other out. What I have concluded is this: Every man, woman, and child possesses within them, many of the characteristics or emotions of someone deemed 'Insane' at some point in their life. Nobody is textbook normal, it just doesn't happen. Far more likely than my pan-insanity, would be a case of Bipolar disorder compounded by borderline personality. If I were Bipolar, then my highs and lows, and the sudden transitions would explain away much of the extraneous diagnoses, and the borderline personality would give context to my schizotypal reactions. Overall, I am no more insane than any one else, and I knew that before the tests, however I think it is great fun to see how the psychological norm differs from reality on an individual basis.

As a reward for being patient, and reading through this dense block of text, here is my current Top Five Metal Songs:

1. Warriors of Time -Black Tide
2. All Nightmare Long -Metallica
3. Eruption -Van Halen
4. Beast and the Harlot - Avenged Sevenfold
5. Shout -Black Tide
   

"Fun Fun Fun...

Just layin' in the sun!" I wish, its been gray and wet and cold for days. I need to go somewhere dry, and hot and sunny. At least I got out of the house today. I've been thinking a lot lately about living in the moment, and what it means. As far as I can tell, I have been living in the moment for most of my life, with brief but frequent forays into the future and past, to ponder events over which I have little or no control, respectively. Today though, I spent about two hours so wrapped up in what I was experiencing at the moment that I did not feel the passage of time at all. When I came out of this state, I was acutely aware of every second as it slipped by. Eventually this feeling wore off, but I am left with a profound sense of emptiness as I think of the things I could have done with those seconds. As I type, however, I realize that I spent them with an amazing person, having quite a good time, and most definetely not wasting my time. I suppose that what I need is to stop wondering about the long run, or how to get ahead in life, and just focus on what I just said, what colour her dress is, and what it is that I'm doing at the time. I'm not saying don't make plans, I'm saying plan to do something comletely unexpected.

Top Five Songs To Wander To

1. Road To Nowhere -Talking Heads
2. Highway To Hell -AC/DC
3. Streetcorner Symphony -Rob Thomas
4. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams -Green Day
5. Highway Cafe Of The Damned -Austin Lounge Lizards
   

Today...

Today was good. But what is good? Is it a measurable standard agreed upon by society? Or is it relative to our own experience? In any case, and by any standard, today was a good day. Alas, it is come too near an end however, and I fear that I may lose the sweet embrace of this evenings events upon the dawning of the sun. "Fear not!" my conscience alarms; "Thine memory is safe within the ivory shell of thine skull". Upon me the fear looms however, that my remembrance should fade, and the lessons of this night, so harshly learned, should slip from my inner register like so much sand through an hourglass. Hark to my warning children, care for your memories and they shall not desert thee, but fritter them away like coins in a gambler's purse, and ye shall be rewarded with an empty head upon yon shoulders.

What the fuck was that?

I'm tired, and I have no idea what I'm typing, so I bid thee farewell, and good morrow.

Strangers and Broken hearts pt.2

In my new philosophy on strangers, I have had to make a place for the possibility that a stranger might break my heart. After this realization, I saw that not only could this happen, it already had. Every time you meet someone, chat for a while, and then the boyfriend they didn't mention comes up and grabs them away, a little bit of your heart, the bit you might have given to them dies away. I, as a hopeless romantic go through this cycle daily; see a girl, chat, boyfriend, awkward pause, repeat. anyway, I thought that this post needed a conclusion, and here it is, my Top Five videos of the moment:

1. I Hate My Life -Theory of a Deadman
2. All star -Smashmouth
3. All nightmare long -Metallica
4. Fake it -Seether
5. Float on -Modes Mouse
   

Strangers and broken hearts pt.1

Strangers make the best friends.
allow me to explain, all of my best and closest friends were people who I never expected to meet, people who I did not meet through friends, but simply clicked with one day. seemingly every day now I meet someone amazing with best friend potential, today alone I met three people who made my day! anyway, now that we have established my stranger rule, I will get to the broken heart part.
When you have a broken heart, the best cure is to talk to strangers. two of my newest friends came to me today and confided their frustrations, and a third at least talked to me about them. these are not people I know very well, sure they are my friends, but at most I've known one for a few months.
I think that the comfort afforded by knowing that you can cut off a new friendship allows you to share more of yourself, until you decide if you can be intimate with the person.
Anyway, I digress again. My main point is this: Strangers are the best people to take your problems to, they can help you, and if they do so, they will no longer be strangers.
Have fun with this little nugget of knowledge, and take with you my Top Five strange songs of the now!

1. A little piece of heaven -Avenged Sevenfold
2. When I'm 64 -The Beatles
3. Many funerals -Eisley
4. I believe you but my tommy gun don't -Brand New
5. Dani california -The Red Hot Chili Peppers
   

Credo Quia Absurdum Est

I believe it because it is Absurd. This both sums up my belief system as well as defines all of the things I do not believe. I refuse to believe those things for which I have no proof, but I must believe things that no one else will, or those ideas may be lost. I don't know. Good night everyone.

You guys rock!

Thank you to all (five of you now!) of you for the awesome feedback, you guys make me feel like maybe writing it all down is worth it! I love all of you, and hopefully I'll be able to share my twisted world view with more of you as time progresses. For now I will leave you with my Top Five Bands to Party to:

1. Brand New -Any time you put on Brand New, its a party!
2. Rise Against -If its a mosh pit, nothing encourages violence quite like RA.
3. AC/DC -Everybody knows the lyrics, perfect for when you're drunk and trying to sing with your best mates.
4. Talking heads -If you can't dance to psycho killer then you have problems.
5. Blink 182 -I have no idea why they're on this list, but somehow it seems appropriate.
   

Damn my eyes...

...For leading me to every pretty girl in existence! My rotten, overly romantic synapses are firing on all enamored cylinders again, and sure enough, another beautiful girl has walked into my life. Logically, this would not be viewed as anything resembling a bad thing, however, when in the presence of true beauty, I discover how deeply I can truly loathe myself. Only when confronted with something so outlandishly pulchritudinous (look it up) that I am struck with awe, am I able to reach the dizzying depths of my self esteem. Nothing puts your own life into perspective than observing someone who is so outrageously good at something ( even if it is simply being gorgeous) that there is no need for them to try. Anyway, I digress, my point is merely that I cannot afford to be in love. I just don't have the time! Look how much time I've wasted typing this long winded explanation, when I could be doing something constructive ( like all the course work I have yet to finish), but no, I will fritter away my time with childish imaginings, all because my blasted teenage, hormone addled brain can't look a pretty girl in the eyes without making my icy heart melt into a rose tinted puddle of uselessness. Well, if I'm going to write about it, I might as well make a list for it. hm, what haven't I done yet, I know!
Here are my top five Romantic Gestures ( yes I know how weak a pretense this is, but please, bear with me)

1. A single rose -How much more classy does it get? nothing says " let's get it on" like one blood red rose (besides Marvin Gaye of course)
2. A mix tape -Music screams the words that we are afraid to say, and "I Love You" is no exception.
3. A portrait -If done right, a portrait can betray all of the subtle feelings of the painter, and if the subject is loved, then the painting will be that much better.
4. A song - Going back to music, if you have the knack for it, why not express your thoughts with an acoustic guitar and your scratchy mid-pubescent voice? Really, it can't be THAT bad.
5. I Love You -Just say it. Really. It's that simple, not much is more romantic than just being honest about your feelings, and if that means shouting it to the heavens, then do it.

If you're still reading, thanks for riding out my incessant ranting, and I hope that your romantic misadventures are at least less painful/useless/hilarious than mine, good night.

"You Go Glen Coco!"

This phrase just earned me a new awesome friend! It's amazing how the internet brings people together, whether they be angsty, drug addled teens, Crazy Pedophiles, or just your average everyday Freaks. Anyway, I was lurking on PostSecret (which is so amazingly awesome by the way) when I noticed that they had posted a new blog, and so I was the first one to comment. I put up my glen coco shout and immediately I got like five friends requests on m,yspace from people calling me their hero! I checked out the admirers and one of them seemed not to be a 40 year old stalker from des moines, so I added her, and after conversing quite randomly I have deduced that she is in fact, quite awesome! All of this coupled with my lack of course work has put me in a great mood, and now ( because I know you were waiting for it) My Top Five New Friends Songs:

1. Collapse (post Amerika) -Rise Against
2. A little peice of Heaven -Avenged Sevenfold ( it's about necrophelia, what isn't to like? @.@)
3. The last DJ -Tom Petty and the HeartBreakers
4. All The Small Things -Blink 182 ( who just reformed!)
5. 1985 -Bowling for Soup

Yes I know that this list is pretty random (and that I use parenthesis way way too much) but they were all five of the top played on my iPod while talking to this girl, so Aurevoir for now!

Missing You

I was looking at a picture of a friend of mine, when I suddenly realized just how much I missed her, it was similar to the feeling that I get when I contemplate the sheer size of the universe. I stared into her little pixel eyes, and felt the whole weight of the world crash down upon my soul, and the only way I could think of relieving it was through music.
Here are the top five songs that remind me of you:

1. Circles -Hollywood Undead
2. Archers -Brand New
3. See, I can get sexual too -Say Anything
4. Admit it -Say Anything
5. All I ever wanted -Basshunter
   

The last post

I just read what I wrote only a couple of seconds ago, and realized, maybe this is why I hate children so much?

Childhood

I've noticed an odd behavior in myself over the past few months that is, to me at least, quite interesting. Whenever I become overwhelmed, depressed, or god forbid, suicidal, I consciously regress to my behavior around the age of seven. I suddenly become deeply fascinated with cartoons, especially Pokemon, I dig out all of my old toys, and I refuse to speak to anybody. With the benefit of hindsight, my behavior is amusing, if a little worrying, but I thought a bit on why I might do such things, and this is what I came up with:

1. My childhood was pretty fuckin' sweet
2. My adolescence is not
3. I try and emulate my childhood experience to be happy
4. It does not work
5. I go back to being adolescent
6. I get depressed
7. Cycle repeats indefinitely
   
8. eventually I have kids
9. I ruin their lives by reliving my childhood through them
10. they hate their childhood
11. they rebel in adolescence
12. They never go through the cycle
13. they become well adjusted members of society
14. I die poor and alone
15. I realize what I am thinking about
16. I get depressed
17. Cycle repeats
    

Noses

Someone asked me an interesting question today; they asked me what it was I liked about her face. Now, immediately I came up with a Top Five list and I thought it would be fun to share. My list is actually just the Top Five things I love about girl faces.

1. Noses -Some girls have these little pointy noses that are just small and cute, and for some reason, visually amazing.
2. Eyes -I have a tendency to fall head over heels for anyone that I see wearing way, way too much eye makeup, its just my thing I guess.
3. Lips -Sort of like the noses, I love girls with little thin lips, lips that look like they are meant for long hours of talking rather than being vehicles for crappy lipstick
4. Framing -I love it when a perfect face is framed by locks of perfect hair, whether it be black, blond, pink, green, purple, red or any other color under the sun (especially the red variants ie: purple, pink)
5. Eyes again - this time specifically refering to color, girls all have brilliant eyes, I don't know what it is,but girls eye color is never boring, for us guys we just have dull flat tones, but girl eyes are all shimmering irridescants and pearly variations.
   

Valentine's Day

Or as it is now known: Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.)

Why do people feel obliged to be happy on holidays? Valentine's day is a rather horrible holiday anyway, and when it rains all day, you're single, and broke, there is really not much to recommend it, but you aren't allowed, within the confines of polite society, to say "Fuck this day! I'm going to sulk and there's nothing you can do about it!"
The way I see it, any day that you feel good, and are in a celebratory mood should be a holiday, instead of having your happiness regulated by a calendar. Wouldn't it be great to just make a cake, put up streamers and give gifts on a completely random day? So far as I can tell, Valentine's day is just an excuse for people who have someone to feel that they are not a total failure, and everyone else can just suck it, which makes very little sense to me, unless you look at it from the standpoint of biology, rewarding those who are more likely to pass on their genes.
Anyway, enough of my rambling, and now for my Top Five "Nobody Loves You" songs:

1. Telescope Eyes -Eisley
2. Bones -The Killers
3. Carve Your Heart Out Yourself -Dashboard Confessional
4. So What -P!nk
5. Everything'll be alright (Will's Lullaby) -Joshua Radin
   

Simple things

I have recently come to truly appreciate the simple things in life. Most often I enjoy the grand sweeping plains, or mighty mountaintops, but although these are breath taking, they are hardly ordinary. I realized that things like lying on my bed, or a hot shower can be just as amazing as staring into the depths of the grand canyon when you stop taking them for granted. I still enjoy the bold strokes of beauty in life, but I think than now I can appreciate the little things better.
So, now on to my top five happy-dance songs of the last five minutes.

1. Safety dance -Men without hats
2. Road to nowhere -Talking heads
3. Tubthumping -Chumbawumba
4. Once in a lifetime -Talking heads
5. Whip it -Devo
   

Thoughts

I've decided that people talk way, way too much. By my estimate, ninety percent of peoples' conversations are pointless, shallow, and not worth having. If everyone spent the same amount of energy and time that they use for talking to think, maybe we would have solutions for the problems facing the world today. Periodically I lapse into days of silence, but I realized that this isn't constructive, so my idea was, why not just speak Spanish? That way, I learn the language, and only people who have something important enough to tell me, that they will translate it into another language will be able to communicate.
As a side note, I would like to ask the very small pool of people who read this blog to use the phrase "shut up" liberally, as it is not really offensive, and most of the time it is entirely appropriate. Taking the idea even further, take your friends camping, bring them out into the wilderness and make them just sit silently and listen, listen to what they are missing by talking on and on about nothing.
To conclude, please, think before you speak, and if you judge that it is not something that needs to be said, keep it to yourself. On that note, I leave you with my Top Five places to sit in silence.

1. The beach at Boliver mud flats.
2. At the top of "La Mitra" in the davis mountains.
3. By the river in Zilker park in Austin.
   
4. On the tall hill in herman park, by the amphitheater.
5. Any place with the right mixture of sun and grass.
   

Alone

I hate being alone. I truly do, but not in the way that you might think. I enjoy solitude, peace and quiet, but being alone is different, being truly alone is not having anyone to turn to when you need them. To be alone is to be without options, and I am a master of picking the best option. If there are no choices to make, you are just along for the ride. No one likes to be powerless, but then again no one has any power, no one person that is. To be alone is to be powerless. Power is having many choices to make. So, if a person is alone, they have no choices, and if they have no choices they have no power. People gravitate towards those with power, it makes sense, powerful people can protect us. The more people that gravitate towards the powerful ones, the more powerful they are. The people who have no power, have no one following them, and they remain powerless, ergo alone. To sum things up, if you are alone you have no choices, if you have no choices you have no power, and if you have no power, you will be alone.

Short post

Just watched "Nine months", god, Hugh grant was an ugly bastard when he was young, uni-brow and everything. Anyway I was inspired to do my top ten over the top movie endings.

1. Caddyshack -When the entire golf course explodes, knocking in the final putt, absolutely classic
2. Love Actually -Simply because there are eight happy endings in a row, its impossible not to love that movie
3. The Usual Suspects -When Kevin spacey does his iconic limp-to-walk transition, my soul melts with joy
4. Jaws -The exploding shark is just too good to be allowed, even if it has been ripped off so many times that it almost makes me want to vomit
5. Planet of the apes -Seeing post apocalyptic earth before it became monkey-land, was enough to send chills down my spine as a young child, definitely a great one

So thats about the sum of things, have a great weekend!

Sorry its been so long

I've been in a bad place for a while, but I'm feeling a lot better. I've been watching the news a lot lately, and in particular the news from Gaza, where the Israelis have killed hundreds of Palestinians and injured thousands more. When I watch this I think to myself " Do people honestly think that Israel is always the good guy?". The U.S. always backs Israel because Israel was given to the Jews after the holocaust. Now this sounds all right, protecting the land of a persecuted people right? Wrong. After kicking the Palestinians off their land, we trained a bunch of "commandos" to fight off the Arabs, and Palestinians, and other Muslims who all want Israel dead. These Commandos became leaders, and Israel became a belligerent little state-ling, hoarding resources, fighting off neighbors, and generally messing with everybody. Now, Israel is in power over the Palestinians, and has sealed them within a city with enormous walls, sending bombs over the walls to destroy buildings, and blockading the entrance of food, ambulances and other aid. This just isn't right, it's an attempt at genocide, strikingly similar to the genocide that almost wiped out the Jews.
All of this is going on and I just want to know why people cant go one fucking day without deciding that a group of people needs to be wiped out?

In memorial of the dead on all sides of every war, my anti war Top Five:

1. War Pigs -Black Sabbath
2. Still In Saigon -Charlie Daniels Band
3. War -Edwin Starr
4. Generals and Majors -XTC
5. Alive With The Glory Of Love -Say Anything

So there that is...

I figured out

My problem (one of them anyway), I try so hard to be the guy that people are talking about when they say things like " He's so sweet" or " He's always there for me" when they think that that person isn't listening. Being uniformly perfect is, well, completely bullshit. Its not possible. Never has been, never will be. But I try anyway, I say all the right things, I help out whenever I can, I buy people things. And worst of all, I'm not even trying for the affection of one person, that's not good enough, I have to be loved and admired, and respected by everybody. My deepest insecurity is that I don't care enough, and my correction for this? to become even more insecure, to be the kind of person who needs validation for everything they do. I hate this kind of person, I truly do, they drive me mad with their incessant whining that "Nobody likes me!". I sincerely hope that this entire group of people dies horrifyingly painful deaths. So where does that put me? Squarely in another group of scummy low-lifes that I hate; the sad little buggers who truly hate themselves. Thats me, the guy you see in the office who one day is gonna snap and blow himself up with a homemade pipe bomb. So you see what I am? I am one of those very few people who have the gift and curse of understanding themselves completely. People talk of "finding" themselves, figuring out who they are at a basic level. Not me. I know, I know every last pathetic flaw in my character, I am intimately familiar with the stinking cesspool that makes up my soul. They say that this knowledge is liberating, that it brings enlightenment. I for one can tell you that they are lying.
So next time you have a bad day and you feel like the scum of the earth, just remember, it could be worse. You could have to live in MY head.