Asylum inmates don't know what it is to be this numb.

Oh god am I bored... I just pulled myself up off of the floor, I've been staring at the ceiling for about half an hour, with a cashew sitting on my cheek from where I missed a toss to my mouth. Truly such crippling boredom has to be unhealthy, I feel like I've been lobotomized and left in the sun to dry. I think my mind is going, I won't make it another ten minutes without some kind of distraction.

Had to stop and get my bearings, my head feels heavy and my thoughts are sluggish. Fuck it all.

Success!

Thank you Tyler Durden

I sit here, at 5:30 in the morning, not tired, not weary, nor even fatigued. I sit here because this is my life. My life is a series of 5:30's, most of them passed by without a thought, but not this one. No, this 5:30 is special. For this one, I am alive. I want to go bowling, I will go bowling. I want to spend time with a friend, I will call them, if I want to lay in the middle of the road and dare cars to hit me, then goddamit, I'm laying in the road. From now on, if I want it, I will do it.

I'm sick of living in my little bubble, separate from everybody else. I want to tear down fences, build bridges, I want to be the catastrophe that brings neighbors together. But not yet. For now, I'm going to experiment with living for a change, my revolution can wait.

Tonight, this morning, I begin to live. This is not a resolution, a promise, a stated goal or a message of any particular intent, it just is. The lives we lead offer the inherent danger of slipping back into my daily routine, and someday I may succumb, maybe even willingly, who knows? But for now, for once, I will not speculate on the future. I'm just going to live my life.

Skittles

Know what's awesome? Skittles. Skittles are fucking great. Take a moment and wrap your empty skull around that. Contemplate how much you'd really like some skittles right now.

No, seriously, do it, I'm waiting.

Done? Want some kick-ass skittles now? Thought so. Know why? Because they're fucking radical, that's why.

This will conclude this important Skittle announcement:

In Memorium

Those were the jeans I wore
Now they are no more
From coast to coast
and stream to stream
to the riverbank where they tore.

Back in those days we were free
Free to be you and me
But time made us shackles
so we raised up our hackles
and screamed to the night 'Let me be!'

The music, the clothes and the air
contrast with your pretty pink hair
We grooved to the tunes
and laughed just like loons
and pretended that we didn't care

I know that it had to end
But let me tell you, you were a friend
When we walked through the fair
you meeting my stare
On me I wished you'd depend

Now that those days are gone
My jeans, your face and our songs
all have drifted away,
for they could not stay,
to places for which I still long

Concerning the passing of time

   Adjacent to the man in the white hat, behind the doppelganger, atop the bench and above the eunuch. That is where you stood. In the railway station that led to nowhere, in a mass of artists and tourists alike, you stood alone. Sure, there was the young one, and sometimes the prude, but you were always there, unwavering,understanding, but not sympathetic. No, you were cold, cold but not dead. In you was the rare spark, frigid life. You were the single vine coiled about the barbed wire, eking out life amongst icy death.
   Yes, there atop your perch you surveyed, through hooded eyes, your vibrant yet boring surroundings. From mine I saw your eyes scan the hall, past ghosts made solid and people made to paper. Beauty is what what we sought, you and I. I like to think we found it, later, amongst branches and long dead behemoths, amidst those same sad artists and lonely tourists, at once quickened with life, if only for a while. Yes, beauty is what we sought, and beauty is what we found, in ink and pulp and bits of sand.
   Yet for all our success you were never satisfied, long past I'd stopped looking, you were visible on the shoreline, overlooking the wall. It was there that I captured the essence of your soul. Ink and pulp could never do you justice, but I like to think I tried. I was not the only one. For less than a score of mornings, you drifted to and fro on that frothy rock. For all I know you are still there. When last I saw you, you were far away, certainly not in the here and now, no I was alone that day, even before we said "goodbye".
   So I will always remember, not the you that was so distant and lost, but the you adjacent to the man in the white hat, behind the doppelganger, atop the bench and above the eunuch.

Round the world and home again

That's the sailor's

way
Faster faster, faster faster

There's no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going
There's no knowing where we're rowing
Or which way the river's flowing

Is it raining, is it snowing
Is a hurricane a-blowing

Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing
Is the grisly reaper mowing

Yes, the danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing
And they're certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing

"If I could open my arms, and span the length of Manhattan..."

Sitting in the dark with a big bag of M&M's, crankin' the tunes and reading some truly bizarre blogs. Just another night in the life of an American teenager.

I love how everything we loved as little kids became taboo as we became big kids, but now that we're growing into adults, its okay to love it again. There's nothing quite like seeing a scruffy dude in a nirvana T-shirt hunched over a game-boy playing Pokemon like its the most fascinating thing in the world.

Just took a shower, lost my thought.

Ah, Jesse Lacey, how you know the chord progression to my heart, I'll never know. I really do love just sitting here with my music and my writing, I feel like this is how my life is supposed to be, this is normal.

Maybe I'm just a nerd. Who cares? For once you get a blog that's filled with contentment instead of angst. Be grateful. Be happy.

P.S. Here's the music that's put in this state of mind:

1. Marching Bands of Manhattan- Death Cab for Cutie
2. We are Going to Be Friends- White Stripes
3. The First Day of My Life- Bright Eyes
4. In Action- We Are Scientists
5. Back Against the Wall- Cage the Elephant