Aerosmith

Listening to the above named band now, Jane's got a gun is such a great song. I wish I could take a tour through the greatest rock concerts of all time, The Beatles, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd, Ozzy, etc.
Concerts nowadays are either so over the top they suck or are just abjectly horrible in their own right. Hmmm, there was going to be a point to this post but I lost track after Aerosmith. On a possibly related note, I hope Nickelback gets mugged, beaten, raped and killed as they leave the Olympic Stadium tonight.

Cassette

I was laying here, in my bed, in the dark, staring up at the T-shirt tacked to my ceiling and listening to 'Slow Ride' by Foghat when it hit me; cassette tapes are the pinnacle of musical technology. Mp3's and CD's are just cookie-cutter storage devices, you can put anything in them, they're stale. The tape is perfect, its a little package of music in a sleek plastic case, built for one purpose only. Tapes are aesthetically pleasing, they fit in the palm of your hand, and they're just more satisfying to plop into a stereo. I'm not knocking my iPod, I'd die without it but I really love the Walkman as well, and I never appreciated a car stereo more than when I first plunked 'Hunky Dory" by David Bowie into the Bronco's tape deck.
Anyway, it just amazes me that my favorite invention came decades before my birth.

Amputee

Just saw 'Requiem for a Dream' for the first time a day or so ago, seriously changed my thinking around. Its truly a great movie, top notch in the freaky category as well. If you haven't seen it, I seriously recommend that you watch it, at least once. Also, if you intend on sleeping at all, don't watch it at night.
I fell asleep after watching it and embarked on the most hellishly terrifying nightmare I've ever had. Suffice it to say that its a movie better watched around noon.
Anyhow, I thought it time for another Top Five, I've actually got two today that I thought were interesting:
First, my Top Five Most Played Songs on iTunes

1. First Day of My Life -Bright Eyes
2. Little Boxes -Death Cab For Cutie (Originally by Woodie Guthrie, the version covered is by Pete Seeger)
3. What I Got -Sublime
4. What Sarah Said -Death Cab For Cutie
5. The Sound of Settling -Death Cab for Cutie

As you can see, I listen to quite alot of Death Cab, which I don't particularly see as a problem.
Second, my Top Five Movies with Comedians in Serious Roles (what a mouthful)

1. The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind -Jim Carrey as a social recluse in a damaged relationship, who turns to self induced amnesia to forget his woes.
2. The Pursuit of Happyness -Will Smith as a severely down on his luck father in new york tries to make a life for his son
3. Reign Over Me -Adam Sandler as a grief struck man who lost his family in the 911 attacks becomes the focus of attention for one of his long-lost friends.
4. Lost in Translation -Bill Murray plays an exasperated actor stuck in an airport when his flight gets canceled, romantic tension with Scarlet Johansson ensues.
5. Dan in Real Life -Steve Carrell as a recently single man who meets the perfect woman on his way to a family reunion, technically a comedy, but Carrell's role is much more serious, quite like his role as a suicidal, gay Proust scholar in 'Little Miss Sunshine".

Little Miss Sunshine

Such an amazing movie, I'm not sure what I'd have done without Dwayne's vow of silence. He introduced me to Neitzche, while Uncle Frank redefined suffering. Its amazing how a good movie can change your wold view. On a side note, this is one of two unbelievably sad movies with 'sunshine' in the title, go figure.
I realized I hadn't done a Top Five in quite a while, so here's my Top Five songs for Angsty, Jaded, World-Weary, and above all, Sarcastic Teens:

1. Telescope Eyes -Eisley (original edit, if it doesn't make you punch a wall in frustration, you've got the wrong one)
2. Learning The Game -Leo Kottke ( Similarly, grown men weep when this song is played. I've seen it.)
3. Sudden Death in Carolina -Brand New (not so much sad as a translation of numb fury put into sound-waves, listen to the beat, it just... carries you away, then the lyrics... just...listen.)
4. Its Cool, We Can Still Be Friends -Bright Eyes ( The first of two hard Hitters by Bright Eyes, the pain and cold, sickening misery are enough to dwarf any you've experienced before)
5. First Day of My Life -Bright Eyes ( The second Bright Eyes masterpiece, required because if any song ever written could lift your spirits after hearing such a profusion of misery and frustration, this is it, the most perfect love song ever conceived of in our generation)

That turned out to be a much darker list than I intended... at least its a step in the right direction.

Being Petty

I love it how people only read the posts I don't give a shit about, but never seem to remember the ones that mean something to me.

Life, Love and Lemons

...And now for something completely different:

I was wondering, what makes two people love eachother? I understand how one person can love another, but why do people fall in love with eachother? Is it random chance? Luck? If we can love eachother, why do we fall in love with people who will never reciprocate.
I wish that we only fell for people who would love us back, but it doesn't work that way. So much pain and frustration could be avoided if we just knew, innately, who we were meant to be with.
Or, I suppose, if they knew that they were supposed to be with us.

100 More Confessions

1. I romanticize mental disorders because it makes me feel special
2. I really love it when people think I'm over 18
3. It hasn't happened since I was 12 (go figure)
4. Since getting my license, I've turned out to be kind of a speed freak
5. I'm really missing some folks right now, but I'm not sure how to approach them without seeming creepy
6. I don't like the number six
7. I failed Spanish even though Yo entiendo mas mejor del todo de mis companeros en la escuela que no estan hispanohablantes naturales
8. I wish I spoke Russian, but only because it would justify saying "I love you" in Russian, which sounds badass
9. I'm finally being proactive with my life and its made me broke once again
10. I need a job, but I can't get one til I do better in school
11. I need money to take care of my problems, allowing me to focus
12. I'm failing in school because I'm distracted by my real problems (seeing a pattern?)
13. I really love 'cuties', those little clementine oranges.
14. I hate that my name sounds stupid with any foreign accent
15. Incense calms me to the point of catharsis
16. I really love the beach, I grow slowly more insane the longer I'm away from it
17. I'm afraid that I'm settling for a less prestigious college, even though its where I really want to go
18. Then again, who says anyone'll take me?
19. Ask me why and I'll explain to you exactly why the education system is failing America's youth
20. I'd do anything to know that I'm still smarter than my friends, but I know its not true anymore
21. I like sitting on cliffs and rooftops, anyplace high up where land meets the sky
22. Meditation really does do amazing things
23. I started hurting myself again, I really am terribly uncreative
24. My art has died along with my hopes of photojournalistic fame
25. and that, I can squarely blame you for
26. I'm a much happier person than I've ever been before
27. I'm also much more depressed than ever before
28. I guess I'm just more bipolar than ever
29. The complete narcissism of this endeavor is baffling
30. I've finally accepted The Beatles as the official soundtrack of my adolescence
31. Climbing trees terrifies me, but I love being in them
32. Mountains are my mind's home, but my body lives in the flattest region of the Earth
33. 1/3rd of the way there
34. I name everything after The Beatles but all of my stuff named 'Ringo' is named for my old dog
35. I wonder how much more interesting my life would be if I had seizures
36. When I'm bored, I've started picturing what everyone in the room looks like when they have an orgasm
37. Still a virgin, I'm considering auctioning off my v-card to the hottest bidder
38. Even though I know how they work, kaleidoscopes never cease to amaze me
39. I use old friends as an instruction guide for life
40. I wonder if maybe there is an afterlife, and I'm in it, being lightly punished for some crime I committed in life
41. When a car I'm riding in stops, I have an urge to tear off my belt, throw open the door and sprint away without warning, for no reason at all
42. is the answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything
43. is not
44. I despise swimming pools, but I love playing in the surf
45. Tidepools are like little universes that I can observe like some kind of deity
46. I sometimes think that no one else has thoughts and my life is difficult because I do
47. I wish my conversations went as smoothly as movie dialogue
48. I wish my family would just cease to exist after I leave home, so I wouldn't have to worry about them finding out about my life
49. My newly emerging work ethic was crushed along with my handmade glider
50. Halfway, how interesting
51. I secretly judge people based on their fashion choices
52. I wish it was acceptable to wear a robe in public
53. I'm trying to be less profane, but its no going very fucking well
54. I got tired of changing sheets so I put all of them on the bed at once and peel them off in layers
55. I think Marijuana is a beautiful plant, like nature's ephemeral sculpture
56. I'm becoming a bizarre fusion of my Father, my maternal Grandfather and several personality disorders
57. I own the most beautiful guitar ever made and I still can't play it
58. But I've gotten my shit together and I'm taking lessons
59. I really enjoy the look on northerners faces when they realize I'm from Texas
60. I want to learn how to snowboard but I lack both mountains and snow
61. I have a spider-sense-like sensation when drugs or alcohol are nearby
62. I don't like guns but I kind of want to own one just because I like the idea of intimidating an intruder
63. I want to learn to fence but those white outfits look so lame I never signed up
64. Part of me, deep down, still believes in magic
65. The longest conversation on one topic I've had for months was about Pokemon
66. Oh, and one about how Neitzche's theory of the Ubermensch applied to Che Gueverra and his revolutionary tactics
67. I often look at a map of Antarctica and imagine what it would be like if it were an inhabitable continent
68. I haven't been truly happy, for healthy reasons since July of 2008
69. Dave Barry is my favorite columnist and he stopped writing as soon as I started reading the paper
70. I stopped eating french fries, but I dream about how salty and delicious they are
71. My Great Grandfather would be disappointed if he ever found out what happened to each of the knives he gave me
72. Come to think of it, I'm fairly sure he's gotten laid more times in the last year than I ever will
73. 94 year old players, its just wrong
74. I have a picture taken by my photography instructor where his thumb is visible in the picture
75. It makes me smile whenever I see it
76. I'm fairly sure there's a picture of a naked woman I drew in the third grade stuck behind my book case somewhere
77. is a very lucky number for me
78. I can stare at a lava lamp for hours and not get bored
79. I fully intend to develop a six-pack by this time next week
80. I hope that if I ignore it long enough, the leak causing a waterstain on my ceiling will go away on its own.
81. is 9 to the 2nd power
82. Since taking physics I analyze my force, velocity, trajectory, etc. everywhere I go
83. I wish music would never stop playing in the background of my life
84. My most treasured possessions cost 99 cents on iTunes
85. They were free on Limewire
86. there is a stain from a sticky toy brain on the ceiling of my kitchen
87. Girls only flirt with my when I A) don't know their name B) am unavailable or C) not in my home state
88. I always sort of hope that money will appear magically in my time of most need but it never does
89. Electrical sockets are slightly ridiculous
90. Monty Python changed how I think about art
91. I'm going die soon if my balance of boredom, numbness and masochism doesn't right itself
92. I like to collect things that would get me in trouble with authority because it makes me feel a little less boring
93. I feel like a shallow imitation of the person who the person I want to be with wants to be with
94. Yes, that statement was grammatically correct, work it out
95. Care-Bears scare the living shit out of me
96. Optimistic little quotes piss me off and make me want to crush someone's happiness out of spite
97. I suppose that makes me kind of a bad person
98. I still find anorexia, excessive eye makeup and Bipolar/ Borderline personality disorder incredibly attractive
99. I guess this is the end of this little misadventure, but one last thing:
100. I really just want everyone to know that even when I'm being narcissistic and defeatist, etc. I'm thinking of all of you, hoping you're okay and wishing good things upon you. I hope all of you live amazing, wonderful lives, free of sadness and regret. I love you and I hope you can learn from my mistakes.

Well Shit.

Single again. God, I'd forgotten how much this sucks. Come to think of it, no-one has ever broken up with me before, it's always been me whose gotten tired. Fuck.
Can't help but think back on all the girls I've been with, romantically and otherwise. I'm young, very young, but already I've spent a good deal of time with the fairer sex and not all of it has been pleasant.
I look at the pictures on the walls and realize that I was happy sometimes. There are a few women, though I hesitate to term them as such, who made me who I am today.
If it were not for these girls, I'd never have gone down the path to addiction, and likewise I'd never have broken the cycle. My philosophy on day to day life is still shaped by one week with the most amazing girl I've ever met.
Similarly, my thoughts on death stem from a span of time in the company of another girl who, it appears, has found her happiness at last.
A girl taught me to be savvy with business and not mix it with pleasure.
Another taught me to be relaxed, chilled out and mellow.
The girl who called me Jesus taught me everything I know about being who I am, a hippy-ass motherfucker. She bought me bandannas and taught me that it was okay to be a long-haired freak, and dove off the diving board with me, both of us wearing hemp headbands.
Her antithesis taught me about pain, how to use it, to express it, she taught me what it meant to feel.
Although I've only spoken with her in passing, a girl was the one who revived the music in me, who opened me up to experiencing song again.
I've mentioned her before, but memories of the one-week girl keep coming back. Fragments with a yo-yo, a laptop and a vibrant choker. Of skull beads and pink hair and laughing as we landed sour-patch kids on the roof of the adjacent building, of the beach and the sun and frozen equipment, of lusting after cameras and losing my shirt.
All of these women shaped me, and so did she. I'm not sure yet how, but it will come. It will come with time.

S.A.D.

Singles awareness day comin' up, big day for all the loners out there. For the first time, I won't be alone on the national day of mourning. Its an odd feeling actually, I have always hated Valentine's Day, still do in fact, but for the first time I can see what its about.
So, to all you singles out there, Have a good Singles Awareness Day, and to the rest of you, Meh.