Alone

I hate being alone. I truly do, but not in the way that you might think. I enjoy solitude, peace and quiet, but being alone is different, being truly alone is not having anyone to turn to when you need them. To be alone is to be without options, and I am a master of picking the best option. If there are no choices to make, you are just along for the ride. No one likes to be powerless, but then again no one has any power, no one person that is. To be alone is to be powerless. Power is having many choices to make. So, if a person is alone, they have no choices, and if they have no choices they have no power. People gravitate towards those with power, it makes sense, powerful people can protect us. The more people that gravitate towards the powerful ones, the more powerful they are. The people who have no power, have no one following them, and they remain powerless, ergo alone. To sum things up, if you are alone you have no choices, if you have no choices you have no power, and if you have no power, you will be alone.

Short post

Just watched "Nine months", god, Hugh grant was an ugly bastard when he was young, uni-brow and everything. Anyway I was inspired to do my top ten over the top movie endings.

1. Caddyshack -When the entire golf course explodes, knocking in the final putt, absolutely classic
2. Love Actually -Simply because there are eight happy endings in a row, its impossible not to love that movie
3. The Usual Suspects -When Kevin spacey does his iconic limp-to-walk transition, my soul melts with joy
4. Jaws -The exploding shark is just too good to be allowed, even if it has been ripped off so many times that it almost makes me want to vomit
5. Planet of the apes -Seeing post apocalyptic earth before it became monkey-land, was enough to send chills down my spine as a young child, definitely a great one

So thats about the sum of things, have a great weekend!

Sorry its been so long

I've been in a bad place for a while, but I'm feeling a lot better. I've been watching the news a lot lately, and in particular the news from Gaza, where the Israelis have killed hundreds of Palestinians and injured thousands more. When I watch this I think to myself " Do people honestly think that Israel is always the good guy?". The U.S. always backs Israel because Israel was given to the Jews after the holocaust. Now this sounds all right, protecting the land of a persecuted people right? Wrong. After kicking the Palestinians off their land, we trained a bunch of "commandos" to fight off the Arabs, and Palestinians, and other Muslims who all want Israel dead. These Commandos became leaders, and Israel became a belligerent little state-ling, hoarding resources, fighting off neighbors, and generally messing with everybody. Now, Israel is in power over the Palestinians, and has sealed them within a city with enormous walls, sending bombs over the walls to destroy buildings, and blockading the entrance of food, ambulances and other aid. This just isn't right, it's an attempt at genocide, strikingly similar to the genocide that almost wiped out the Jews.
All of this is going on and I just want to know why people cant go one fucking day without deciding that a group of people needs to be wiped out?

In memorial of the dead on all sides of every war, my anti war Top Five:

1. War Pigs -Black Sabbath
2. Still In Saigon -Charlie Daniels Band
3. War -Edwin Starr
4. Generals and Majors -XTC
5. Alive With The Glory Of Love -Say Anything

So there that is...

I figured out

My problem (one of them anyway), I try so hard to be the guy that people are talking about when they say things like " He's so sweet" or " He's always there for me" when they think that that person isn't listening. Being uniformly perfect is, well, completely bullshit. Its not possible. Never has been, never will be. But I try anyway, I say all the right things, I help out whenever I can, I buy people things. And worst of all, I'm not even trying for the affection of one person, that's not good enough, I have to be loved and admired, and respected by everybody. My deepest insecurity is that I don't care enough, and my correction for this? to become even more insecure, to be the kind of person who needs validation for everything they do. I hate this kind of person, I truly do, they drive me mad with their incessant whining that "Nobody likes me!". I sincerely hope that this entire group of people dies horrifyingly painful deaths. So where does that put me? Squarely in another group of scummy low-lifes that I hate; the sad little buggers who truly hate themselves. Thats me, the guy you see in the office who one day is gonna snap and blow himself up with a homemade pipe bomb. So you see what I am? I am one of those very few people who have the gift and curse of understanding themselves completely. People talk of "finding" themselves, figuring out who they are at a basic level. Not me. I know, I know every last pathetic flaw in my character, I am intimately familiar with the stinking cesspool that makes up my soul. They say that this knowledge is liberating, that it brings enlightenment. I for one can tell you that they are lying.
So next time you have a bad day and you feel like the scum of the earth, just remember, it could be worse. You could have to live in MY head.