Bohemian like you

Isn't it funny how we see other people as what we want them to be? I see a pretty girl, instantly in my mind she's got an entire personality, history, circle of friends, drug of choice, music preference, etc. based only on my first impression. Sometimes I'm even right. No, that's a lie, no-one is shallow enough to figure out that easily. I know other people do it too, psychologists even have a word for it, projection, they call it. I wonder how many times I've passed on talking to a stranger, or offended one, just because I've made stupid assumptions about them.
It's not just first impressions either, until we really get to know someone on a deeply personal level we continue to make these assumptions, projecting flaws, characteristics, talents, quirks, etc. on to them. Think about it, have you ever had a crush on a friend of yours, only to realize later that you completely romanticized their personality?
I actually have a theory about that. I think it's a biological thing, Mother Nature trying to push us towards a mate. Who knows?
It bothers me, thinking back on people I no longer know and wondering whether I ever really did or whether I'm just remembering how I wanted them to be. Or, friends I do still talk to, how many of them do I really understand? I've always prided myself on making good character judgments but what if I'm just more deluded than the average sap?
Oh well...

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play...

I think I'm going to go out for the Pop Show next year, I've been making progress with Harrison again and I was saddened by the lack of Beatles music. I'm not quite sure what I'd play but I'm thinking either Yesterday or Julia. Hmmm.... This seemed more poignant when I first contrived to write it down late last night, eh, oh well.

Bastante

I'm not eloquent, I'm honest.
I'm not talented, I work for it.
I'm not brave, I'm desperate.
I'm not artistic, I'm persistant.
I'm not romantic, I just do my best.
I'm not a genius, I'm just conscious.
I'm not altruistic, I'm pragmatic.
I'm not selfish, I'm a survivor.
I'm not extroverted, I'm afraid of being alone.
All of these things that I am, and all you can see is what I'm not.

Incendiary

I'm so angry, I can't find the words to express this rage. I've never been this furious before, I just want to destroy something beautiful. I feel like creating, and in the same breath, incinerating something pure and good. I can't stop my hands from shaking. If I don't calm down, someone is going to get seriously hurt.

I will stroll casually across your broken dreams

The quality of my day is much improved when I wear my Gonzo-fucking-huge-boots. I love them.

The Top Five Songs I Stole Today:

1. Pepper -The Butthole Surfers
2. Even Flow -Pearl Jam
3. Grass -Animal Collective
4. Mambo No.5 -Lou Bega
5. Question -Old 97's

And that's that.

Edit: Just listened to The Fuck Off Song by Reel Big Fish, easily the most poignant song I've heard in a long while.

If I ever have children

Feel free to kill me with a ball-peen hammer, for at that point I will have abdicated the right to participate in society. Babies are an unholy blight upon the earth.

All of my idols are whores

And I'm fine with that.

100 confessions, round three:

1. I love Hunter S. Thompson
2. I'm finally doing well in school, just in time for summer
3. I need to get back into photography, the sun is waiting for me
4. I love Photoshop
5. My train of thought was just derailed by my best friend
6. I'm less paranoid than my parents, I take that as a good sign
7. Spraypaint is a fascinating invention
8. Peppermint tastes odd, sort of like licorice-lite
9. Mental Image: all I'm wearing are shorts
10. I found ten bucks in change under my bed today
11. Being progressively more cruel has allowed me to be nicer without people noticing
12. Not only do I live in the Friendzone, I've thoroughly mapped it and established a colony in the land of Now's-not-a-good-time-for-me
13. It takes an hour and a half in photoshop to make me feel good about myself
14. A Saturday night with my friends works too
15. Palm trees are beautiful
16. I like to sleep with my head at the foot of the bed and my feet under the pillows
17. I think its because I've grown comfortable with strange situations
18. A few days ago, my entire life plan was thrown into question
19. Then I remembered that I don't have one
20. I'm still working on that six-pack, but all I've got are hunger abs
21. I need to put gas in the car but I'm broke
22. I just remembered the ten bucks from earlier, score!
23. I think I've finally started living a healthy life
24. I've just decided, I don't really regret anything I've ever done, its all been worth it to become who I am
25. 1984 is still my favorite book, I learn something new every time I read it
26. I want a pet Camel Spider
27. I've got drymouth so bad it feels like Kuwait is in my mouth
28. I can't go down to the kitchen til my 'rents are asleep
29. My walls are covered in memories, but I'm only proud of the 1x1 ft. square with all the concert ticket stubs from this year
30. I don't think 'The Office" is very funny, its kind of lame actually
31. Come to think of it, I don't really watch T.v. anymore, go me
32. I still don't have a hobby
33. There is not a single flattering, unphotoshopped picture of me, anywhere in existance
34. I want to learn to unicycle
35. I'm going to get my pilot's license as soon as I'm out of college
36. Or maybe in college, it'd be a great way to meet girls; "Hi, wanna see the earth from 20'000 feet?"
37. I can't decide between San Antonio and Corpus Cristi
38. Black bears are cute, I want to hug one. One that's VERY heavily sedated
39. I kind of want to go to a rumble since I found this old steel rod laying by the railroad tracks
40. I want a bowler hat
41. Sometimes, I lay really still and pretend that I don't exist
42. I can hold my breath for a full minute
43. I once tried to hold my breath til I died, but I've since learned its impossible
44. I like Baseball shirts
45. If I had better handwriting, I'd write letters to everyone
46. I love PostSecret
47. I'm too lazy to send mine in, so I do this
48. I find it odd that I've never wanted to live outside of Texas
49. That's not true, I want to live on Manhattan, but apart from that...
50. Halfway there, should I be sad or relieved?
51. I want my sideburns to hurry up and grow, they look odd right now
52. I want a beard to obscure my acne
53. I've never understood eyebrows
54. If you gave me even the most insignificant hint, I would sweep you up and away from here
55. But all your hints are for the others
56. I'm running out of good books
57. If 'The Seeker' turns out to be some sort of joke, heads will roll
58. Showers are peaceful places
59. Pragmatism is a useful philosophy
60. Half the people who read this will not get the tautology
61. When I read stoners' stories, I hear Keanu Reeves' voice
62. I'm becoming interested in scuba diving
63. I found an old journal from middle school, one of my goals was to have a serious girlfriend in High School, mission accomplished I suppose
64. I didn't even know I had goals back then
65. I used to play with the N64 controller, pretending it was a spaceship
66. I don't want to go to the Yearbook Banquet without a date, but honestly, who would I take?
67. When I'm bored, I imagine what it is that various couples will break up over, and who they'll date next
68. That, or I try and tell what they'd sound like when they have an orgasm
69. Mohawks are overrated
70. I was almost picked up for vandalism, I finished my work as soon as the cop left
71. I keep meaning to re-watch "Requiem for a Dream" because the protagonist's voice is stuck in my head
72. Since my Psych exam, I've been analyzing everyone and everything around me
73. It was fun at first but now its just annoying
74. You make me self-conscious, even when I know you can't see me
75. 3/4ths of the way through, and I'm wondering what the significance of this is
76. I never built those rabbit snares I wanted
77. Is not as lucky a number as it used to be
78. I want to donate my hair to help clean the oil spill but I've waited too long for it to grow out again
79. Parking spaces should give out little prizes for perfect parking jobs
80. Still thirsty, it's almost debilitating now
81. I learned how to whistle
82. one note
83. I can't cry anymore, unless I'm bored
84. I want to learn to surf/ snowboard
85. I hate the sound of teeth coming together
86. I don't care if you hate me, I'm keeping the painting
87. I'm sorry I said anything, I'm glad you guys worked out okay
88. I really like Ska for some reason
89. I couldn't stop from laughing when I heard about my cousin's ski-do accident, it's the quintessential white injury
90. I'm gonna get me some orange soda and peanutbutter cookies when I'm done with this
91. I just realized that tomorrow is Friday, slayer!
92. I wish that I could put in extra hours and catch up to my friends in age so I wouldn't be the young'n anymore
93. The year of my birth
94. I want to pet a great-white shark
95. And hold the Vampyroteuthis infernalis, Vampire squid from hell
96. In my lifetime I firmly believe that I will walk both on the Moon and at the bottom of the Marianas Trench
97. You were the reason I got into Journalism in the first place, and now you're the only reason I put up with it
98. You also taught me to love it...
99. I want one of those old 1800's big wheel bicycles
100. To be continued...

Great or Greatest?

"How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

"We are all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled that 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously... All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create... a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody... or at least some force - is tending the light at the end of the tunnel. "

"Dogs fucked the Pope... no fault of mine."

"The store was closed, but the salesman said he could wait if we hurry. But we were delayed en route when a stingray in front of us killed a pedestrian."

"You scurvy shiester bastard. I'm a doctor of journalism man! Get in there and clean your shorts! Clean your shorts goddammit like a big boy!"

"That'll blast you right through the wall. You'll be stone dead in ten seconds. Shit, they'll make me explain things!"

"...hamburger stand, she's a waitress about 16 years old. They chopped her goddamn head off right there in the parking lot. Then they cut all kinds of holes in her and sucked out the blood. They were after the peneal gland I think. Yeah. Nah, how's ya mama?"

"Madam, sir, baby, child, whatever."

"One of the things you learn from years of dealing with drug people, is that you can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye."

"With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know."

"When I came to, the general back-alley ambience of the suite was so rotten, so incredibly foul. How long had I been lying there? All these signs of violence. What had happened? There was evidence in this room of excessive consumption of almost every type of drug known to civilized man since 1544 AD. What kind of addict would need all these coconut husks and crushed honeydew rinds? Would the presence of junkies account for all these uneaten french fries? These puddles of glazed ketchup on the bureau? Maybe so. But then why all this booze? And these crude pornographic photos smeared with mustard that had dried to a hard yellow crust? These were not the hoofprints of your average God-fearing junky. It was too savage. Too aggressive."

Po'

Being broke sucks.

Chronological ClusterFuck

My time is all wrong. I"ve woken up to two mornings today, this day has been so long, its stretched from Friday til Sunday, and it's showing no signs of ending. I'm here again, in the same position as I was two, maybe three days ago, everything is the same. I look outside and the sun is rising, then its dark and the streetlights glow orange, no its dusk, no, dawn, and noon, and 6 in the evening. Here there is no light, no time. Sleep means nothing when you were never awake. When am I? 12:24 a.m? sure, why not?

Hold the Phone!

The father-figure strode out of the darkness to save the day! with a deft combination of button-mashing and switch-flipping, he managed to eliminate the problem and resuscitate said device! The iPod lives on to fight another day!

...

Well Shit. My iPod is officially broken. I think I may cry.

Its funny how much music defines my life, I remember when my giant-ass headphones broke, I felt naked without them around my neck. Now, without the reassuring weight of my thousands of songs resting in my pocket, I feel doubly so. The knowledge that at any time I can whip out a verse that expresses exactly what I feel is immensely reassuring to me, its a constant in a chaotic world, and until I find a replacement, I can't do that anymore. I feel like an infant that has been weaned too soon, starving for the one nutrient I need.

In honor of the deceased, my Top Five Songs to Eulogize an iPod:

1. First day of my life -Conor Oberst/ Bright Eyes
2. The impression that I get -The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
3. Tick tick boom -The Hives
4. Summer skin -Death Cab for Cutie
5. Tubthumping -Chumbawumba

AAAAAGGGGHHHHH

This is so not fair. I moved on with my life, I forgot about you, I finally put you out of my mind. I was doing so well, but it just couldn't last, could it?