It's a crystaline tower of life. I love it.

The story so far.

And suddenly the street was lit with the intensity of a thousand dying suns. The light had no source and cast no shadows, it appeared to be emanating from the street itself. The buildings lining the street began to mold and change, as did the light-posts, trash bins, and other accoutrement. Slowly the ghastly light faded away and a new scene was revealed, a garden lane in the middle of a field of wild flowers. There were daisies and buttercups as well as bluebonnets and poppies. The sky above was a clear, bright blue with only a few whispy cotton ball clouds drifting lazily through it. All over the feeling of the place was quiet but cheerful, it was a happy place. A man in a shabby brown overcoat shuffled suddenly into the scene, seeming lost. He removed the coat, for it was much too heavy for the season. Gazing into the sky, He whispered something incomprehensible and fell into a dead faint. Thus several hours passed and the sun began to recede behind a distant outcrop of purple mountains. When He awoke, He surveyed the land around Him in the dieing light, shaking His head. Abruptly, He stood, brushed himself off and stumbled off in the direction he had been heading.

2 years and never started counting...

I finally understand what you meant. Thank you for setting me free.

Self Delusion

Was stared at by several attractive girls today, I choose to believe that I'm back on my game and not just hideous enough to openly stare at.

Thanks.

I love my friends. For all our bickering, fighting and outright fisticuffs, things are always significantly improved with a few buddies around. They can turn loneliness into a wealth of opportunity, depression into raucous laughter, and stagnation into cataclysmic action. I've written and re-written this post six times now and I've found that there is no way to properly express my gratefulness through any language that I know. I guess all I can do is say Thank You. Thank you for everything, the good times, the bad times, the jokes and the advice, the delinquency and the altruism, Thank you for the arguments, the conversations, the kisses and the blood spilled in anger. Thank you for all that you've done, I look forward to the growth and expansion of our sordid friendships. I guess that's all.

The life less hectic

There's something about laying on the beach at three in the morning, listening tot the waves roll in, watching for shooting stars that does something magical to the mind. All worldly cares simply fade away, cease to matter. Conversation flows like it never has before and confrontation becomes an abstract concept. Nocturnality meshes with the coastal way of life in exciting and unexpected ways. On the beach, time is different, people don't look at you askance because you wake up at two p.m. and don't go to bed until sunrise. Needless to say, I'm excited.

Stress,

Thy name is Summer.

Shit man,

I need to get into shape.

Him

And there He stood, alone in the rain. He looked left, and He looked right. He seemed to see what He was looking for, because He suddenly turned and trudged on down the street, his sodden sneakers squelching in the puddles. It wasn't long before He came to a halt again, in front of an old bus shelter. He did not immediately take cover from the rain, but stared at the worn frame of plastic and aluminum. Finally He shuffled forward and took a seat beneath the faded canopy. For a long time He sat and watched as the rain swept in waves down that lonely street. Unseen and unheard by anyone, he hummed a sad, slow tune to himself. As slowly as He had sat down, He got to his feet. He looked to the horizon where the sun was just beginning to emerge from the cloud cover, just in time to slip out of sight again. He turned and trudged back the way he came. As He walked, He began to sing the same sad song from before. It was a beautiful song. No one saw Him, no one heard him, no one noticed as he made his way back to wherever it was that He had come from. No one ever noticed.

God bless you please Mrs. Robinson...

So... Toy Story 3...
My childhood has finally done as it's threatened to do for years now and come full circle. Film has personified my life in so many ways, and to see this movie, at this time in my life... I can't quite explain what it means to me.
On the one hand, I'll be going away soon as well, and many of my friends are moving on right now, the whole climate of my life is in such perfect harmony with that simple children's movie, it's almost farcical. I suppose it was always meant to be that way, we, the children of the nineties, grew up with Andy, even if his almost misanthropic fixation with toys was a little creepy, he was a constant with which we could identify, he was a reflection of ourselves, there to check our progress against. As much as his toys were to him, he was our friend. It's odd seeing a character grow older, and stranger still growing older at the same pace as yourself. I guess what I mean to say is that I'm glad I saw the movie, it filled a niche I never even noticed before. I am content.

So...

We broke up and she disappeared and I haven't seen her in years and now she's fat and now I'm laughing my ass off. That will be all.

Retrograde Part two

I think this may be the fever talking, but I am very, very angry with you. You're blind, you know that? Blind and stupid and wonderful. You take everybody for granted. You're surrounded by people who would die to make you smile, and all you do is complain that there's no-one good enough. Well, fuck you then. Time after time you turned away brilliant guys, never even giving them a once-over. You leave a path of heartache and confusion in your wake and you don't even notice. Half the people you've ever met are crippled by their need to protect you and keep you happy. They can't function in normal relationships because you're there, a cancer on their mind. A selfish, blind cancer. But I can't hate you for it, because you're entirely innocent. You never mean to hurt anyone. You are the single most unfortunate person ever to live. You've ruined a generation, yet remain singularly faultless. Definitely the fever talking now.

Retrograde

Between the many naps, passing out on the floor, coughing up a lung, confinement to the house and general lack of entertainment, I've had a pretty shitty day. I haven't been this sick in a while, you kinda forget how to function. At this point I've forgotten what the will to live feels like. Hopefully I'll either recover completely or die in my sleep tonight, either one works at this point. It's taking me forever to type this, I can't focus on the screen and I keep making mistakes. I think I may have had a point but I've forgotten what it was now. Please kill me.

To whom it may concern.

I don't think I'm going to be able to get my head around this one for quite a while. I'm still reeling from the realization that each individual one of the Seniors who I've loved and hated, laughed and cried with, learned from and looked up to, is going off into the real world.
I don't know what to feel. There's a great and powerful sense of joy and pride in seeing them finally achieve this step in life, but it's backed up by a deep heartache at the loss of so many friends.
You were my role models, wingmen, partners, rivals, teachers, and above all my friends. I don't intend to let this be the end either, ya'll aren't done hearing from me yet. Even as you move off to college, to work, etc. I look forward to learning from you still. I learned how to be a student from you guys, and I'll learn how to be man from you too.
Congratulations on your freedom, I wish you much success and happiness in real life.

Death of the everyman's lonely pipedream

This is so wrong, first day of Summer and I'm bored to death. Tried to enjoy the party, but the logistics of the thing made it impossible. A party can't function if everyone is already paired off, there has to be a proper ratio of the unattached to the couples. Singles are the ones who mingle and catalyze the entire event. I hate being single, just because of the inconvenience; I have no one to see movies with, I can't just call someone up and go someplace, everyone is tied down to somebody else. At least when I'm with someone I'm not bored, I'm one of the tied-down folks. I guess it's an If you can't beat em', join em' kind of scenario, if everyone can't be single and unattached, I'd like to be one of the pairs.

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to put that on the list. Gotta get a job so I can get money so I can pay for things so I can take people out so I can get a girlfriend so I won't be bored. Woohoo.

The Aftermath

What should have happened.
Her: "Wow, you really like me don't you?"
Me: "Yup."
Her: "We should do something about that."

How it went down.
Her: "Silence"
Me: "Well shit."