Sadface.

Sorry it's been so long, will post more once keyboard is fixed.

My constant companion

There is a certain energy in desperation, that last reserve that serves to push you over the edge in times of need. Sometimes, it grants the ability to push through unfathomable adversity. More often it steels you just enough to succumb. When a person gets right down to the end of their rope, unable to maintain any longer, the all-too-common reaction is to end it all. It could be just a one time thought, or the actual deed, but in true crisis, it is our lot to turn towards self destruction. But why? If one's life is so intolerable that death is preferable to living another day, why not just change the offending life? Obviously, you can't sink any farther, why not quit your job, move, take up a hobby, find new friends, change everything about your life? The result can hardly be worse than life as it is. So much good could be done if one would just harness that last kick of willpower for something positive, creative, instead of destructive. And if it doesn't work out, you can always kill yourself tomorrow.

Land of the twisted and home of the criminally deranged...

They'd run me down like an animal, no mercy at all. I'd have to use an assumed name, give false references. It'd be a practice in egregious capital fraud, but could I pull it off? I think so, why not? I think I qualify as an everyday, red-blooded American, doesn't that mean something? This is the land of opportunity goddamit!

I'm sure the lions are needing new playthings...

I'm not exactly a big You-tuber (is that what they're called?), never have been, but in my recent explorations of the deepest, darkest corners of internet hell (another story, for another day) I found myself directed to what I can only describe as proof of two things:

1. Children are the spawn of some vengeful nightmare god, sent to plague the innocent and infect society with their plethora of evils, and
2. They are incapable of using the internet without degenerating to the level of inbred, illiterate sewage gremlins.

 First up was the recent shitstorm surrounding Kerligirl13, or Jessie Slaughter, an escaped inmate from some high-security backwater mental institute, who decide it was wise to engage the depraved, soulless mass that constitutes Youtube's userbase, in argument. Needless to say, she got her annoying 11 year old ass verbally handed to her and decided that she rather disliked being insulted and would like everyone to kindly stop. Please? What do you mean 'No'? Oh, I see, this is the internet, where things like Lemonparty and Zippocat are allowed to exist, my mistake.
From there, such a fetid multitude of pathetic, angry children and their bitter, pedophilic fans gushed forth through the unholy, septic wound in the world that is Youtube, that I am still as yet unable to express the depths of my grief for the Human race. I thought that I disliked, even despised children before today. No. Before, they were certainly irritating, even distasteful, but I hadn't taken a proper look in far too long. The bastards have to go. This batch is no good. Box them up and label them 'Dog Food', I don't care, just get rid of them. We'll just have to try again.

Philosophical meanderings.

Reading the Tao Teh Ching currently.It's sort of mind-blowing, yet underwhelming at the same time. The Tao is the basis for all modern eastern philosophy, and yet it's tautological and frequently paradoxical nature render it completely useless as a practical guide. Very interesting stuff but infuriating all the same.

Spy v.s. Spy

Is it just me or does the whole 'Russians spy on us, we spy on the Russians' back and forth thing seem kind of like a child's game at this point? There are no consequences for getting caught, other than a setback in the short game, and we're not at war, even a cold one so there's not much to gain. It seems to me that the FBI and the SVR are just palling around, spying on each-other in order to stave off boredom and stagnation. I have nothing against this policy, but it does bring to mind an amusing image of some tuxedo wearing American spy facing off against the sexy Anna Chapman in an overly dramatic game of laser-tag. This latest spy exchange confirms these suspicions, to my mind at least, in that everything is proceeding as though according to some rule book, an amicable trade dictated by the laws of the spy-game. How governments amuse me...

You're not that social, just a good drinker

I love the fact that this nation has reached a level of hypocrisy where it is deemed acceptable for the morbidly obese to give me dietary advice.

'Round and 'round, like a top.

Love is a well-worn guitar and a pretty girl.
Love is a smile and a ukulele.
Love is a single orchid and an awkward hug.
Love is a bowl of soup and daytime television.
Love is walking hand in hand completely lost.
Love is a rainbow trout.
Love is grinning for no reason.
Love is an accomplice.
Love is a big flannel shirt on a cold night.
Love is singing completely off-key.
Love is digging in your heels and not budging.
Love is a bear hug on the roof of a car.
Love is a tearful goodbye.
Love is an unmarked shoe-box.
Love is a bonfire shared over the phone.
Love is annoying phone calls at 3 a.m.
Love is a spontaneous game in a big-box-mart.
Love is a lost keepsake found at rock bottom.
Love is mutual stunned silence.
Love is Love and that's all there is.

Mr. Miyagi would be proud.

Once again, it's very early in the morning and I'm sitting here in the dark contemplating the ebb and flow of life. The downpour over the last thirty-six hours has done strange things to the landscape as well as the wildlife. It's really rather interesting watching how nature responds in a time of crisis. There is balance in everything, and life will always maintain that balance. The water spreads and the land contracts and vice-versa, both carrying with them their own life-forms. It's a struggle as old as life itself, although I prefer to think of it as a sort of flowing dance. The energy flows from one form to another, through organisms and through the gross physical change of the landscape. It all moves slowly to and fro, fluidly, but with inexorable strength.

Smooth like...

So It's almost two in the morning. I have an interview (hopefully) in about eight hours and I meant to go to sleep at about ten-ish. Didn't quite work out.
I've been sitting here at my desk, sketching furiously, pausing only to find new source material and check my work, in an almost feverish haze of production. Is any of it any good? No, but it makes me happy to be drawing again.
I've had the song 'Strawberry Weed' by Caesars on repeat for hours now. It makes me think of you, but not like I did before. I meant it when I said I'd finally let you go, but part of letting go is seeing all of the good and the bad in you, and I must say I liked what I saw.
Anyway, I think I'll take this opportunity to finally hit the sack, Goodnight all.