Just a little self-evaluation

I'm going to fail my Biology class. I've  made A's and B's on every Lab and Test, and I'm still going to fail. I don't understand why school is the way it is. I'm sick of playing the game. I've lost everything I cared about and spent the last year just coasting instead of living my life, all because I'm too stupid to just play along. I'm tired of having my fate determined by people who don't know what they're doing and don't give a shit about me. I thought it was rough at [Large University] but where I'm at now is indistinguishable from high school. Maybe if I dropped out, found a better job, got out of this fucking house, maybe I could take control of my life back.

I've wasted years believing that I was a "school person"; that an education was what mattered most to me in life, and maybe that's true to an extent, but my priorities have undergone some pretty major changes these past two years. I just want to get out. I look back at my life and it's just been one long holding pattern since childhood, just waiting until it was my turn to take the reigns and decide where I wanted to go. I think somewhere along the line I developed some pretty skewed ideas about how life was supposed to work, and nobody ever disabused me of them. Not that it's anyone else' responsibility to teach me those things. That's one of the big ones; when you spend your whole life under the thumb of teachers and educators, you get the impression that if something is important, it'll be taught to you. Turns out, that's not the case. The more I think about it, the angrier at myself I get. For all my talk about hating the system and wanting to get out, I've spent my whole life placidly shuffling along, gobbling up whatever bullshit was fed to me and ignoring everything else. While everyone else figured out who they were and what they wanted to do, I was just waiting to be told, and once it got time for those things to mean something, I was left out in the cold.

So, I'm going to fail Biology, like I have failed at so many things before. I guess it's time to really take a look at what that means for me.