Fire

in my head and ice in my gut.

It hurts, it burns, it screams within my skull. I want to crush my skull and let the crazy bleed out of the cracks.
My mind is whirring away faster than I can type. Red and Black flash in front of my eyes, the screaming won't stop.

My hands are shaking, I keep making mistakes. Why is this happening? Not now. Please.

I'll be better, I promise, just let me make it through the night. My hair is aflame and my entrails are shards of frozen hatred. I feel like vomiting but nothing comes up and I just sputter and choke.

Fuck.

Why won't the screaming stop? Take it away, take it away, take it all away!

Writing this seems to be keeping it in check if not helping it. It hurts to focus. I regret it all. I recall every petty mistake I've made in my life, they burn as they are seared into my eyes. My humiliation has never been this complete.

Its starting to pass.
Fuck it still hurts. My chest aches, tears are streaming down my face.
Fuck.